Have you ever seen two frogs hump?

Now you have...

Let's play a game called, "What's wrong with this picture?"

This has the potential to be the longest blog post in history if we want to really start listing all the things wrong with this picture. But, I'll try to keep it short for the reader's creativity sake. Feel free to contribute your own comments on what is wrong with this fat bitch.

1. The obvious: if you are that fat, should you be eating at Burger King? There are two ways to look at this. a) NO. b) You're already a huge disappointment to the world, why not have another Whopper?

2. You can't hide the fact that you are a huge beast, but you can hide where you've been by taking off that blinking arrow of a crown. Those are for kids by the way. You had to lumber your lard ass up there and ask for a paper crown large enough to fit around your swollen cabasa....do they make special ones for frequent customers?

3. If your tits are big enough to hold a Big Gulp.....at least have the dignity to make some money off of them.

My new hobby

I like to go to google images and type in random words and see the funny-ness that ensues. The following picture was found when I typed in "Mexican Fart."

I SUPER don't like Peyton Manning, so this is pretty accurate to me even though the lay person might not necessarily think of "Peyton Manning" and "Mexican Fart" as being synonymous.

Next, I typed "Gay Gorilla."


Finally, I typed "Spunk."

This one is funnier to me than the Peyton Manning Mexican Fart. I would love to have the money and resources to ruin things that thousands of people see on a daily basis. If I ever win the lottery, I think I'll just make it my life's work to "punk" everyone in Olympia and eventually the world.

I'm so glad I'm not 19 anymore.....

Look, I have a lot of weaknesses and faults when it comes to dating and men....but Jesus Christ. Does this girl not have girlfriends to ask about this? Oh, and just because I'm a super bitch....did this girl attend school at all? Was she too busy giving the douchebag in question too many blowjobs under the bleachers to attend English class? Did she not learn how to correctly form a sentence or spell? And note how she uses the word, "inedible". She uses it in place of "inevitable". What a fucking idiot.

Application for Boyfriend

I keep up with several funny blog websites. One of my favorites is holytaco.com. They posted an entry with a Girlfriend Application that was pretty funny. I was inspired and created my own Boyfriend Application in response. It took me awhile to figure out how to convert my excel spreadsheet to a picture to get it on here...but I eventually got here. Luckily I have no life and the time to do these kinds of things. First the holy taco entry:



Now, my masterpiece:



I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for this one. I wish more than 4 people read my blog.....

Funny shit

So, on a daily basis I wish at least once that I carried my camera with me at all times. I like to observe and watch people and things and I invariably end up seeing pretty funny, fucked up or interesting things. Mostly funny and fucked up, which makes them interesting. The other day I saw a super beefed up Jeep Cherokee. Not only did it have a sweet bumping system (note the sarcasm there) (which, also by the way, did these systems not go totally out of style once I graduated high school 10 years ago...I thought they did. I must be wrong), but it had ENORMOUS truck tires and a lift kit. You seriously would need a step ladder to get into this Cherokee. This was one of the most retarded things I'd seen in a long time. It's one thing to try to make up for your small dick by having a giant truck that you have to lift to the sky, but when you inherit a fucking Jeep Cherokee from your mom (who is unarguably more of a man than you) and have to lift IT to the sky....there are some serious problems here. This is more that a case of small dick-itis...it very well could be a case of your balls not having yet dropped-itis. So anyway, I wished I had my camera when I saw this "vehicle" so that I could post it on my blog and note what a douche the driver is.

Today I saw a car with a license plate frame that read "Vietnam Era Vetran". Yeah, veteran is spelled wrong. It was spelled wrong on the frame. I tried to take a picture of it with my cell phone, but I couldn't zoom in far enough to clearly get the words. So, either the veteran is an idiot or the person that made the frame is an idiot or both. I'll venture to say that one or both fucked too many syphillitic vietnamese hookers over there in the jungle.

In conclusion, I will be carrying my camera with me at all times from now on and I will try to take pictures of the retarded things and people I see and I will humiliate them here on my blog.