The difference between a dude and a man.

Dude....whatever.

After 12 years of dating dudes, I'm ready to date a man. Now, you may be asking what the difference between a dude and a man is....aren't they the same thing? No, they are not. They couldn't be more different in fact. Let me explain.

When dating a dude, there are a few things to look out for:

1. Dudes usually have very little real relationship experience. They've usually dated "girls" as opposed to "women". (If I need to explain these differences, then we've really got problems). "Girls" put up with bullshit. "Women", by and large, do not. The dude/girl relationship usually ends when the dude has exhausted all his bullshit on a girl and thinks she's pathetic for dealing with it as long as she has. Even though this is what attracted the dude to the girl in the first place. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to. These are dudes we're talking about.

2. Because of this lack of relationship experience, dudes also have a lack of dating etiquette. Even if a dude likes you, he needs to act "cool guy." "Cool guy" consists of not showing consistent interest in a woman. He believes that not coming out and expressing that he likes the woman and wants to spend time with her and get to know her makes him seem like a man. He is protecting his feelings. Because as everyone knows, feeling are for pussies....and fags. This is counterproductive. In the real world, a "cool guy" is someone who isn't afraid to just lay his feelings on the line. Dude will call and talk to you for several hours and express extreme interest in you on a Monday, but then not call again all week until say, Friday or Saturday and want to hang out that same night. This is a tactic devised to make you feel like you're "taking crazy pills." It confuses the woman. Monday's call gets her excited. "Yay, he likes me!" she thinks. But no call all week causes her to think, "Aww man, I thought he liked me. Darn." Then the call on the weekend is just plain unacceptable. Calling the day of to make plans is a complete and total lack of respect for the woman's time. Dude does this because he was hoping for something or someone better to come along all week. When he realizes that no one else likes him, he calls the woman. In most cases, she will acquiesce and go on a date with him. This sets an unhealthy precedent.

Now, I'm not one to think that a man has to do all the work in the dating phase of a relationhip. A woman should by all means, pick up the phone and call a man just as much as he calls her. But, when dating a Dude, the woman inevitably ends up doing all the calling. Again, we're back to the "crazy pills." A woman will eventually get sick of doing all the calling and give up. After not receiving any phone calls from Dude for a lengthy amount of time, she assumes he's not interested. This saddens her, but she moves on. Then, out of nowhere, Dude will call. This tactic is called "fucking retarded." He will ask why he hasn't heard from you in forever. You will reply, "well, you didn't call me either." He will come up with some lame excuse like he lost his cell phone or he thought you didn't like him anymore, or he thought you were mad at him for something. Ladies, do not fall for this seriously douchebag move!! It was designed to manipulate and confuse the woman. And, in almost 100% of the time, it works!

Now when dating a man, there are also a few things to look out for:

1. If the Man likes you, he'll call you. He won't wait a week and a half. He'll usually call within two days of meeting you to set up a date. This date is usually scheduled a good two to three days in advance. This tactic also shows a respect for your time. Ladies, please don't be alarmed by this bold move. His intentions are good at this point.

2. If the Man likes you, he will tell you. I know, this is the most shocking one of all. A Man expressing his feelings? Unheard of!! And probably gay! No, not gay, and not unheard of. It really happens.

3. There are also a lot of little, yet significant things to look out for. Such as being on time for dates, being nice to your friends, holding your hand in public...etc.

You may be asking, why are there such differences and why can't all Dudes be Men? Well, just as all Women are first Girls, all Men are first Dudes. Men usually become Men when as a Dude, they accidentally date a Woman who puts them in their place and explains to them why they are such a douchnozzle.

Also, it helps to have been in love and have your heart broken at least once. This goes for both girls and dudes. Experiencing this love and then pain gives you new perspective on how to treat people.

Life is too short to be strung along.....plus, Karma is a bitch.