Trailer Trash

So, I realize that I haven't posted in about 9 months. During this nine months I've gotten pregnant and am ready to give birth any day now.

Just kidding, kids are gross. Yay Roe vs. Wade! Actually in this nine months, I've left my job and my hometown to move to Portland for a whole new life. It's been great so far and I'm trying the best I can to make friends and "put myself out there." I'm not very good at it though and the following story illustrates my "non-people person" personality beautifully.

Last week, Thursday Sept 9th to be exact, I was bored and decided to scroll through craigslist. Mostly I like to read people's hopeless, desperate, funny pleas for companionship. I happened upon an ad a guy posted that was mildly funny. He described his last couple dates with various women and their batshit crazy antics. It sounded a lot like my own dating life so I responded to it. I realize this makes me look hopeless and desperate as well. Anything is possible. He responded to my email very quickly by finding my facebook and requesting to be added, as well as an email response. I considered it briefly, but changed my mind. I decided not to write him back. To be honest he looked super boring and, his self-description of "the adult version of the Gerber baby" was right on point. Done and done.
On Sunday he wrote me another facebook message letting me know that he was still waiting for me to add him. And then another email today wanting to know if he did something wrong, and why was I not responding. That's two emails and two facebook messages in 4 days, all with no response from me. A little creepy right? I then had a disturbing vision of being stalked by a giant baby, so I wrote him the following email:

No, I just changed my mind. Two emails and two facebook messages? Really? This reeks of desperation. Just a piece of advice for the future: If someone doesn't write back after one or two emails, it means they aren't interested. You should learn how to take a hint. Sorry to be rude, but this kind of behavior isn't going to make you appealing to the ladies. Good luck in your search.

His quick response:

You look like trailer trash anyway. Anyone is desperate if they are talking to you.

I had to LOL after reading this. He manages in two sentences, to make himself look worse than me. A normal woman would probably leave it at that and forget about Mr. Goo goo ga ga. But not me, I just sent this to him:

Hahaha!! I'm sorry, I had to laugh and respond. You realize you actually insulted yourself more than me right? If I look like trailer trash, why were you so interested? And if someone who talks to me is definitely desperate...then what does that say about you?

I have not received anything from him yet in response to this. I look forward to having a juvenile email fight with this douche. I promise to update.

Sarah Palin and downsie babies...

This is a video Josie took of me trying to downs out the baby doll I carried with me on Halloween this year, as I was of course the best Sarah Palin in Olympia, WA!!! It's hilarious and offensive.

I hate people that are happy.

Why is everyone getting married and having babies???? It's like an onslaught, my eyes and mind are being raped with the image of women in their wedding dresses and posing with their pregnant bellies and changing their myspace name to "Mrs. Douchenozzle". Like anyone fucking cares about your retarded baby, that quite frankly isn't as cute as you think he or she is. Plus, they'll probably end up gay or a tranny. You should be so proud. And, I know that you are super excited about having just married some douchebag that is a plumber or some equally degrading profession, but you're gonna get divorced in like 5 years. That's reality. And if you make it beyond those 5 years, you'll end up fat and covered in stretch marks from having four of the douche's babies while he's out fucking...me. Yes, me. You heard it. I'm the one married guys like to screw around with. Do you know why, faithful wives? Because I'm not you. And because I'll let a guy come on my face...but that's neither here nor there. Here's the cold hard truth, if you are truly happy and content with your life, do you need to parade it all over myspace? So that some meth head that you used to go to high school with 10 years ago can comment on your pics and act as if they are happy for you? In reality, they pity you because they get to do drugs and have sex and you don't. But don't worry, you can do that after you get divorced and your ex-spouse gets custody of your mentally challenged kids.

For the record, for those of you that know me, know that I do want to have kids and get married some day. That still remains. However, I do not plan to wipe my poopy business all over the myspace community if either of those things happen for me.

I know, myspace is stupid. I'm trying really hard to stop, but it's like crack.